One year ago to the day my little sweetheart Sparky was diagnosed with cancer. They gave him 2 months. He only made it 34 days. Today, on the same day, my best friend Steve got his bad news. The melanoma has spread to his lymph nodes. The prognosis is less than 5 years, and that's without knowing the extent of it. He has to see an oncologist, he has to do more tests, and he has to do some sort of body scan in order to find out what exactly is going on. And even then, you can never be sure. My bf, who happens to be a doctor, told me that most of his patients in Steve's shoes have a less than 50/50 chance to make it past 5 years. I am so incredibly heart broken. It's as everything that happened last year is repeating itself. And I'm so scared. I'm horrible in dealing with these things. And I want to be his best friend as always, I just know that there's a chance that my fear of the unknown will let him down ... I can't believe this is happening again. 2 of the most important people in my life -- both affected by the same dreadful disease -- both not deserving of any of it... I just don't get it.
I did something last night I haven't done in a while. I sat down by Sparky's old spot, took a little sniff at the carpet (and yep, it still smell's like Fritos Feet there) and 'talked' to him about life and stuff. I think my subconscious was already preparing me for this day. I've been moping around for nearly 3 days now and for no real reason. So I'll probably sit back down by his spot tonight and talk some more, hoping that maybe 'someone' will listen and that Steve will get another chance ...
Steve and I at my law school graduation. Hugs, big guy!
Life can be one bummer after another sometimes. That is terrible news about your friend. So very sorry, really. Even though we are all headed in the same direction, it sucks to actually know his reality. But, you know, a 50-50 chance is as good, as it is bad, so who knows?
ReplyDeleteThis is the moment we have now. Take care of each other. xo
I know we've talked, on FB, about Steve...but wanted to tell you something I was thinking about...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, a minister was talking, in his Sermon, about how impatient people have become. How we get so upset at simple things, like not getting through a traffic light and having to wait till it turned "green" again.
Then he compared the time/distance it took people to travel, across the country, in a covered wagon and how impatient they may have been, if a storm slowed them down, some times for days/weeks.
And then...he told a story about a friend of his, who had been that annoyed person at having gotten stuck by a red light. Seconds later, when the light turned green, and he went through, he'd cought up to the car had "beaten" him through that last red light and watched as it was t-boned by another car. He jumped from his car to help and the driver, who had survived, was seriously injured. If this man had gotten through the light, that he was ticked he hadn't gotten through, he likely would have been that car getting t-boned.
I know it doesn't help, to say "I'm so sorry" to know what's happening, with Steve, but sometimes, while it's still unfair, knowing that here are five years (also believing there can always be more) is truly a gift.
If you haven't seen it, you should Google "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch and watch it. When my closest friend, Lisa, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, just two weeks after her sister was diagnosed, I was devastated. That was two years ago..."The Last Lecture" helped me put things in perspective and help her when she needed support.
I wish I was there, Marieke, and I could give you a hug...tell you not to be frightened, and that everything will be okay... I know, though, through our chats, that you will be an amazing and supportive friend to Steve, and that, my friend, is a wonderful gift.
Thinking of you always!
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness- seriously, they hit you when you're down. I hope the newer post changes some things a bit for you. So sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine even being in either of your shoes.
ReplyDeleteAs to speaking with Sparky- well absolutely. I'll tell you that Indiana is NOT resting in peace because I've been complaining to her, and yelling at her, and talking to her since she left. And I don't even have a spot of hers anywhere here in this new home!
I knew this would be a tough time for you, as will the upcoming months of reliving last year. I'll be thinking of you.