My Sweetheart:
Today, it's been one month since you've left my side, and I still miss you so much that it hurts when I think about you. I've been doing good and I've been crying less, but it doesn't take away from the pain that I feel every day when I look at your empty little bed. My eyes are no longer so puffy, but my heart still breaks. I wonder every day, whether you are okay, or whether you miss your mommy? I wonder whether you are upset that I still grieve so much, but then I feel you're doing the same up there, somewhere. I wish we could have had many more years together. You leaving me, was never the plan... I wish I could hold you one last time. I would love to bury my face in your fur, and hold your sweet, little cheeks, and stroke your soft ears. You are my other half. You are part of me and I haven't been the same since you left.
I miss you honey. I miss you so, so much.
Love, Mom.
I'm not sure if I should admit this or not. . . but I used to make up little songs about Indiana, and songs about her & I. Reading your post reminded me of one little excerpt:
ReplyDelete"Everywhere I go my pit bull goes too,
When we're not together we both are so blue."
I would sing and she'd do a little butt dance and/or grab a toy.
It's so hard.
oh, and in answer to your question:
ReplyDeleteI'm still unsure whether I will have another dog or not. First of all, I am in between homes so while I do not have my own place, I cannot adopt a new dog. However, when I do get my own place again, I'm not sure if I will adopt a dog, or just do foster care. Maybe it will end up being both. I can't see me living a life without a dog, and I can't see me wasting an opportunity to help another pit bull. However, Indiana was an incredibly jealous dog. Any one or any thing that took my attention off of her, or my time away from her - she hated!! And made it known. She was very vocal and communicative in other ways as well. Usually by worming her way onto my lap and literally coming between me and whatever was "between" she and I. A movie, a computer, a book, a person - anything.
So it's hard to think about letting another dog attempt to fill even a part of her role. Very hard. But I'm open to whatever fate has in store. I remind myself that I didn't even what a dog at the time Indie came into my life. I felt the timing wasn't right, but that's life for ya!
So time will tell. But I'm certainly not looking.
"Mama loves you"...I tell Cowgirl that everyday.
ReplyDeleteIt helps, a little to say it out loud.
Wishing you a good night.
gina
I tell my two boys, Daily and Zip, who've crossed the bridge, "Mommy Loves You", every night before I go to bed, then I pet Joe, tell him the same thing and say a little prayer for never ending time with my furry little man.
ReplyDeleteDear Mareike,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to "channel" Sparky for you...."Dear mom, I miss you very much. Please know that I am in a safe place and think of you every day. I am running in the fields, chasing butterflies and taking long naps.....all while dreaming about our wonderful life together. While I can't be there for you right now phyiscally, I am there in so many other ways....just look around and you will feel me. I look forward to the day we meet again. Until then, please stay strong and know that you were also my other half.
I love you, Spaky"
Mareike,
ReplyDeleteIt was just another little song I used to sing to Indiana:
"My little dog, I adore you.
For all of time, in all the world,
You are my heart.
I love you."