Not good

He's been declining again since yesterday afternoon. The usual, lots of panting, seeming restless or anxious. He slept okay, but his overall condition was just not good. Today in the morning he didn't want his usual breakfast, even after I didn't make him take the Neoplasene. He ended up eating a couple of Wieners and some Cottage Cheese. I left a message for the holistic vet, telling her I was stopping the treatment, because I felt it wasn't working.

Two hours later she called me back and gave me the bad news. She agreed with stopping everything and going into full pain control mode. I was surprised because I had hoped she would try to convince me that we could beat this thing. No.
She told me that she had a chance to take a lot at the x-rays from a month ago. She had stopped by my regular vet to take a look. What she saw was not what she had prepared for. She told me that his entire chest, and especially his lungs were so badly affected by the cancer, that she was surprised he was still alive after a month. When I ask her what it meant, she said that he could probably 'go' any day now. She told me to hang in through the weekend, and if he didn't make a turn-around, it was definitely time to let go.

I am crying my eyes our while I am writing this. I would do anything if this didn't have to happen. I don't want to be without my boy. We're a team, and we have always been one since he mooched his way into my life 8 years ago ... I can't imagine that as early as 2 days from now, my boy won't be with me anymore. What am I supposed to do then? Everything is going to remind me of him. EVERYTHING. There's not one spot that will not make me break down in tears, it already does now... Right now he's sleeping on the floor. I've noticed that I've been silently hoping for him to just go to sleep ... I don't want to have to do this. But I just don't want him to suffer anymore either ...

Open Wide

C'mon, Open Sesame!

Good Boy! Pill is in place.

Hold shut.

Beg, Plead, Do Whatever, and Don't Let Him Smell Fear :D

Amazing! All this for just a little sugary pill ...

New Supplements, New Change

I definitely owe an update to everyone. Last Tuesday and Monday were tough on me and on the Spark. It just looked grim to me. He didn't perk back up till Tuesday night, when suddenly he started to demand all my attention, mooched food, begged for rub downs, etc.

Anyway, things have been looking up again since then. Amazing how his energy fluctuates. Is that normal? It just seems that he has either really good days, or really bad days ... a little bit of balance would be nice.

I talked to the holistic vet again. She had called me after hearing that he was in distress Sunday night through Tuesday night. She told me to get some homeopathic supplements. Arsenicum Album and Phosphorus C 30. The Arsenicum Album he gets when he goes into respiratory distress again, ie: coughing, heavy panting, blueish tongue. The Phos C 30 is for when he's anxious, ie: pants and seems stressed, but not quite as bad. The instructions are great. Hah. She told me to give him 5 pellets, put them on his tongue and let the pellets dissolve. Seriously? Has anyone ever tried to place a pellet (even if it's sugary) on a dog's tongue and tried to have him hold still till it dissolved? LOL. I tried several times yesterday and basically always ended up taking him into a near choke-hold,while lovingly petting him :D , and keeping his mouth shut. Everytime he tried to push those little pellets through his tiny, stumpy front teeth. When I tried to re-insert them, he would hold those little teeth clamped together tightly - it was like trying to break into Fort Knox. I have to make sure I get a picture of his face next time. You'll all love it.

Anyway, I am not sure whether the stuff works, but he did mellow out a bit thereafter, and even fell asleep. I can't wait to get home tonight after work. He seems to be in good spirits again, and I have the whole weekend off to spoil him rotten.

Horrible Night

Last night was awful. Even though he was fast asleep when I went to bed, within 30 min he was wide awake, panting. It wasn't the normal panting, it was loud, and somewhat labored. It seemed, the longer he was sitting in the dark panting, the more he stressed, the worse it got. I tried to calm him in the dark but it didn't help. I tried laying next to him and petting him, and it didn't help. Eventually I turned on the TV for some light, and got him some of the new kibble I bought (for cancer dogs). He seemed to forget about his breathing issue a little, and after I gave him some peanut butter he looked much happier. I left on the TV until I heard him snore a little. The same procedure was repeated 4 more times throughout the night. It was a very long night for both of us.

Today I woke up to a still sleepy dog. He was laying on his side and I decided to get ready for work first and letting him get some rest. I figured by the time he'd smell the pork loin that I made for him the night before, he would be up and poking his head into the kitchen. But no. I even went over to him with his food bowl and he continued to lay there. The nose was twitching but he wasn't moving. I helped him up, and then he ate. Clearly, food is still important to him, once he's up and running, but I can tell that he's starting to get really tired. He's turning into a different pooch, not the one I spent half his life with. I know, I keep saying the same thing, but I am just so heartbroken. I cried so much, trying to do it silently so that he doesn't notice me. I have an important scholarship interview in less than 6 hours and I'm all cried out ...

When is the right time? And how long do I keep going? I didn't give him his Neoplasene and all the other stuff today, because I didn't want him to feel nauseous on top of his weakness. I just wanted him to enjoy his meal, without having to swallow some bitter pill first. I don't know guys, I'm feeling that this is coming to an end. To me it seems the Neoplasene is not working. I don't think I will start with it again, if he doesn't perk up ... I just don't want him to spend his last days/weeks sick to his stomach too.

Today when I went to work, Sparky looked at me and came to the door with me. He never does that. I looked down on him, and part of me felt like he was saying good-bye, or saying "Mom I'm really tired", as in "Prepare yourself" ... I left with such a heavy heart and full fear...

Acceptance

Sparky 2004 - he was such a stunner, people always stopped to pet him, hug him.

Acceptance ... it's become really difficult. I had posted another post earlier about my speculations that Sparky was suffering from heart disease and that his weakness and panting was easily fixable with pills. I had researched the issue for hours over the weekend, frequented all kinds of dog forums to get expertise on pharmaceuticals, diets, exercise ... you name it, I was reading up on it. All in preparation to switch gears on the treatment to make him feel better, to save him, to keep him with me...

It all came crashing down when the vet finally called me back in the evening to tell me that I was hanging on to false hope. She said that even though he had an enlarged heart, there was no heart disease, that his heart rythm was steady and good, that there was no murmur, that it was fairly strong. She told me "You need to start letting go. It's not fair to you. You've done all you can." I am heartbroken all over again. I was hoping to have found something, anything. I asked her whether she was sure that we were not overlooking anything. I would give anything. It's been so hard the last few days. Overall he seems okay, but the panting and the coughing scares me so much. And he's weak. I was hoping that something else could be done.

I'm starting my last 3 months of law school on Monday. I'm starting to study for the bar very soon. I can't focus at all on anything but him. I don't know how things will be. I don't want to leave him alone all day and then all night, when I'm in class - I feel I'm going to miss our last moments together... God, I am so heartbroken.

Another Problem to Add to the List

I didn't post the last couple of days, because things were up and down a lot, and I'm trying to resist whining immediately about it ... I have to get used to the bad days, and not just focus on the good days.

Anyway, Friday we went for another acupuncture appointment. That morning he looked especially good, and he acted in a lot of ways that he hadn't acted in a while. Too many little details that wouldn't make sense to many outsiders, but to me, it was a big surprise and a big step in the right direction.

While he was getting acupuncture I discussed his heart condition with the vet. The night before he had been laying on his side when I noticed that a patch of his fur was pulsating. At first I couldn't really believe it, but then it dawned on me that his heart was beating and it was visible through his fur, about a 3 by 3 patch of fur. When I had received the original diagnosis of his cancer, I was also made aware that he had an enlarged heart. Not just a little, but huge. It takes up all of his upper portion of his chest cavity. The original vet had told me not to worry too much about it, and meds weren't needed, and she wasn't even sure if it was all heart, or whether the tumors were part of the image, or whether it was the heart sac ... Anyway, seeing his fur move rapidly I felt like I was staring at a time bomb. I discussed it with the holistic vet and she put him on Bio Cardio immediately. Bio Cardio consists of Hawthorne Berry, which has been known to improve the contractions of the heart muscle and improve heart health. It can be used for a variety of heart diseases. The holistic vet was also surprised I hadn't mentioned it before, and told me that his weakness could very well be from his heart condition. I felt like an ass. I had double-checked with the other vet the night of the initial diagnosis, just to make sure I didn't have to worry --- but now I felt like a neglectful mother.

After we got home, the same thing happened that had happened last time - he crashed from the acupuncture. This time I was at least prepared. The holistic vet checked in with us later, and she said not to worry, but she was surprised how sensitive of a pooch he was. Well, he'd always been like that. Whatever could go wrong, usually does, and usually to a magnified degree. At least this time it only lasted 18 hours.

I guess I should be grateful, because overall he's doing okay. But I can't. Not today. Little things are creeping up and they all add to the big picture, which is not pretty. There are those good days, when I completely forget about what's going on and what our future is going to look like. And then those bad days hit, and I grieve all over again. I must be in denial. I don't know. But I do know that I can't imagine my life without him. And it hurts like hell when I think about that I'll be left behind...

Neoplasene and the Power of Sardines

Apparently, the Neoplasene-Cottage Cheese mixture isn't a big hit.

Finding the right bribe proves difficult.

Bacon was a no-go.

Cheese didn't cover the 'stinky' smell.

Burger bits were an insult ...

"No thanks, mom. I'm okay. I think I'll pass today - thanks for the thought ..."

*burp*

Buuuuuuuuuut, Mom wasn't born yesterday --- she's bringing out the big guns:

SARDINES - enough stink to cover any medicine you're trying to sneak into your pet's food ...

A spoonful of Sardines helps the medicine go down in the most delightful way

- even Mary Poppins was aware of that ... :D

The First Three Weeks - Recap

Today is Sparky's 3-week anniversary of his cancer diagnosis and the vet's announcement that he has 2 months left to live. We hopefully get to prove them all wrong! I thought I would recap what I have changed in his life so far, and what our treatment looks like at the moment.

CURRENT COURSE OF TREATMENT (for a 70 lb lab mix):

• 6 cups of food per day
• 50% protein, 25 % veggies, 25 % rice
• 1 capsule Colostrum twice a day (for a healthy GI)
• 1 teaspoon of Pet Dophilus a day (healthy GI)
• 3 capsules of Omega 3, 6, and 9 per day (we've currently stopped this, because of some diarrhea issues)
• 1- 1 1/2 cc Astragalus (immune booster) twice per day
• .75 cc Neoplasene twice per day (minimum dosage for a dog his size, but we're dealing with a sensitive stomach - this dosage will be increased)
• massages (by me) to stimulate and exercise his weakened hind legs
• 5 daily short walks to stimulate and exercise those hind legs
• acupuncture - starting this week on a regular basis, probably 1 or 2 times per week for a month

RECOMMENDED FOODS:

• ground beef
• chicken breasts
• salmon
• sardines (water-based is preferred)
• eggs (2 - 4 eggs, approved by holistic vet)
• brown rice
• squash or zucchini
• carrots (try mashed with some butter - big hit with my pooch)
• yogurt (stay away from the sweetened kind)
• cottage cheese
• wieners (as a treat)
• sliced deli meats (as a treat)
• cheese (use the mild stuff)
• broccoli (but don't feed too much of this, could cause some GI upset)

I think this just about covers it. I'm hoping to see more progress when the acupuncture kicks in. So far it's been a bit rocky, going back and forth quite a bit, but overall I have the impression he's getting better. Last night we had a small breakthrough. We took a little walk at around 7 pm, and out of nowhere, Sparky grabbed his toy out of my hand, and sprinted down the street like a maniac. Not only that, but when I caught up to him we played tug for a good 5 minutes. I ended up chasing him around the driveway and down the street, while he was running around, mouth wide open, looking back to me as if he was smiling. We haven't had a moment like this in weeks, maybe even months. And our morning today started off just as well. He got up and greeted me. It's been a long time since this has happened. Total bliss for both of us.

Nausea and Diarrhea

Be aware, nausea and diarrhea are likely to follow the ingestion of Neoplasene.

Again, I am not 100% positive, but I would say 85% of certainty is guaranteed. Over the last week, I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to get rid of his diarrhea. It's a tough feat. Chicken and rice will only be an interesting food choice for so long, especially once your pooch figures out that he can have pretty much anything these days. With just rice and chicken, the poopage improves ... without (because he's associating rice and chicken with Neoplasene now, thus forcing me to switch things up) the diarrhea comes right back... It's a never-ending battle at this point. He's currently taking Colostrum and I started him on Pet Dophilus - I'm hoping it will improve things at the rear end... Poor pup.

Other than that, his legs remain weak, and since I'm working from home all day today, he's lazy and just laying around, instead of being bouncy and trying to impress me like he usually does when I get back home from work.

Definitely looking forward to what acupuncture might be able to do for him.

Picky, picky!

I never thought I would have a picky eater in Spark, but apparently yes, that's the new routine. I'm not sure whether he's actually nauseous from the Neoplasene, or whether he figured out he can pretty much demand anything of me these past days/weeks.

As always, I woke up to a snoring pooch today. His eyes were flickering wildly, his feet twitching, so clearly, he was in REM sleep and I didn't want to disturb him. What a sweet sight. I'm slowly getting used to the idea that he probably won't greet me much in the morning anymore. At least not like he used to. So instead, I am greeting him with soft pets and little kisses behind his ear, my favorite spot because right there is the softest fur and he smells the most like himself.

He's been getting a little stand-offish when I serve him his Neoplasene/Cottage Cheese mix. Bacon bits used to do the trick, but not anymore. Last night, I tried a little canned salmon on top, and it worked. Today, I was out of salmon, but tried tuna, and it worked. But then his regular food afterward he did not want. I tried everything. I ended up heading to the grocery store and getting sardines and ground beef. Not a big hit either. I assume it's the Neoplasene - he may be a little queasy. I then made some mashed carrots with butter, and he loved it... figures.

Things have become a bit unpredictable these days, lots of trying new stuff, with a fair amount of turned up noses. But it's all worth it, because right now, I have a bouncy pet by the front door, demanding to go out so he can enjoy the day ... Life is good today.

Changing ...

... for the better? Not sure yet. But overall he seems to have perked up a notch. Not that he wasn't perky before -he just couldn't move- but now I see a little spring in his first initial steps. I keep eyeballing him, and I feel that things are better. But I'm just not sure.

The morning started just like the previous 2 mornings; he didn't want to get up like he used to. But today, I was able to bribe him with food. And after he ate, we went outside. He looks a dash more sturdy, but then has his moments of weakness, and occasional stumbles ... Of course I jump into action each time, ready to catch his fall. I would say he has about 3 such episodes per walk. Clearly, he isn't 100% but he seems to be better than yesterday.



He's also inhaling his food again. And his tail keeps wagging, his ears keep perking, and he's definitely back to demanding all my attention. We're back on the Neoplasene, and no nausea is manifesting. Perfect. I don't want to say that the holistic vet was right yet, because I'm just not sure, but it looks like he's recovering from whatever was going on. At this point I'm looking forward to him having acupuncture on a more regular basis.

Healing Crisis

Healing Crisis. That's what it's called. Supposedly. And I've never heard of it until today. I think I called every vet in my town, including all holistic vets. I was determined to track someone down to help me. No one could. Except, one lady offered to come by my house and charge me roughly 1000 Dollars for 5 treatments.... People in my situation are desperate; so to all you out there, who are in a similar situation, please beware. Some people are perfectly willing to use your desperation against you and exploit you.

Luckily, I did track down 'his' holistic vet and she offered to come to my house and take a look at my boy. I was grateful. After chatting with her for a while about his symptoms via phone she announced that it sounded more like "Healing Crisis" then an overall decline in health. She said she does come across this symptom sometimes, and she's had pet owners like me, who were convinced that the end was near, when in effect, the ailing body was adjusting to the new treatment.

HEALING CRISIS: A healing crisis is a severe symptom, or set of symptoms, which may appear quite suddenly or unexpectedly during the course of natural healing. If patients are not educated to the normal re-balancing act the body must do to regain equilibrium, they might possibly become frightened or distrustful of the treatment they are undergoing, be it chiropractic, acupuncture, nutritional, homeopathic, etc. Holistic practitioners often assume that their patients understand the self-healing process, or are afraid to tell them that they might be feeling a whole lot worse before they begin to feel better.

Sparky's vet told me that he would most likely be better tomorrow, and that I should not lose faith. I'm also going to continue the Neoplasene. I will hang in there, just like the pup is. She told me to give him a doggy massage, ie: run my flat hands and fingers across his body, all the way down to his tail, massage his legs, squeeze his feet, and work on the stiffness that he's experiencing from the healing crisis. She's confident that he'll be better tomorrow or the day after. I guess older dogs take a little longer to recover from something like this. As for right now, after 20 minutes of massage, I have a snoring pooch on the floor. I am RELIEVED.

From Bad to Worse

Things are steadily going downhill at the moment. I'm frustrated and scared, and there's nothing I can do. Sparky was up half the night, just standing there, panting. I am not sure if he was in pain, but he didn't look comfortable.

Today in the morning he was ready to go out, but had definite trouble getting in to the standing position. I had to help. While outside trying to do his business, he got so weak that he sat down ... That has NEVER happened before. He clearly had a hard time standing and walking and his hind legs were dragging on the asphalt when he walked. It was heartbreaking.

Back at home he only had a moderate appetite, and I think that's the effect of the Neoplasene. He seems a little queasy. Two ago days he broke his dish bowl because he was so excited, and today he turned up his nose at the food he loves so much. He also continues to have diarrhea. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I am exhausted. I want him to be comfortable and not in pain, yet everything I do right now makes his quality of life worse.

I called his holistic vet and his regular vet and left messages. We NEED to talk. This is not working for us, especially not for him. I feel I'm losing him. I feel I have maybe a week left, because if he can't get up to go out, what else is left? I'm stuck. The holistic vet wants me to stop the pain meds, but Sparky needs them for functioning. The Neoplasene makes him queasy, so he doesnt want to eat. Eating is his favorite activity ... and he doesn't want to?????

I have to think about making this as comfortable as possible for him. I'm devastated that nothing is working right now, but I don't want to keep him in pain. He's back on the pain meds, and I will stop the Neoplasene and only give him chicken, rice and cottage cheese until we get the diarrhea and the upset tummy under control.

I look at him and every time my heart breaks. I don't know what the right thing is? I don't know whether acupuncture will make a difference. But I do know, that right now, he's suffering....

Day One - Not So Good

It's been an emotional day.

I woke up hoping to see a change in mobility, but besides Sparky being awake and happy to see me, nothing else had changed. I felt he was even slower than yesterday. Our first walk was extremely short and when we came back and I presented him with breakfast, he didn't even want to rise for it. That was it. I took out the Previcox and gave him his usual dosage. I know! But I couldn't stand it. He was suffering quietly and I was not going to be able to handle knowing that I held the key to his comfort. I'm hoping to get off the Previcox again tomorrow, or the day after, if he starts feeling a bit stronger.

After breakfast I went to work, and of course did nothing but research Neoplasene and Acupuncture. Like I said, I am not a big believer in holistic care and I feel I'm grasping at any straws, regardless of how small they might be... okay? Honestly, I don't see a difference from the acupuncture. The vet had told me this wonderful story about this dog that couldn't walk anymore, and she administered her treatment, and voila! he was able to walk out of her office. Nice! Just didn't work for Sparky, did it? I know, she said it would probably take some extra treatments ... I will give her that.

As to the Neoplasene, I'm a little worried too. It seems to be a pretty heavy-duty stuff, and while it does a lot of good, there's a small percentage of canines who it will not work for, and who actually might get quite ill. At this point, because I'm already mopey, I feel that Sparky might belong to that small percentage, which of course isn't fair for me to say - not so early in the game.

I guess my biggest concern and worry today is that he's so slow and lethargic. But the tail wags are still there, and so is the big appetite. I read on the Neoplasene website about Glucosamine Sulfate, which works like a NSAID, but without interfering with the Neoplasene. I sent my vet an email about that, and maybe that's the ticket for us ... I just can't be the cause for his pain - it would kill me. I hope tomorrow is a better day for us.

The Treatment

I currently have a passed-out pooch next to my bed, snoring happily, and dreaming of dog parks and car rides.

Today we went for our first session with the holistic vet. Very nice lady. Her house was right next to the local off-leash dog park, which was a total treat for Sparky, since we never make it over there anymore and he's just not that agile to actually make it worth the trip. Anyway, we met for an hour and unbeknownst to me, she had intended to give him some acupuncture for his hip dysplasia and arthritis. I 've always been skeptical of this type of treatment. I attribute the skepticism to my German upbringing and also the lawyer in me. But the vet was convinced it would do good, and at this point I'm desperate for results. She had observed him and noticed that he was quite slow, and frankly, I have grown so accustomed to it, that I hadn't noticed; not until I saw the other dogs outside the dog park. It actually made me sad, because he used to be such a happy, bouncy boy who'd partake in impromptu chases and things like that.

Anyway, the visit was good. After about 20 min of needles in his back and legs I could tell he was relaxing and enjoying himself. He was less suspicious and actually let her massage his back. We decided on the Neoplasene treatment, which was no surprise to me, since we had talked about it. She praised me for switching him to such a healthy diet, and said that diet alone was gonna work wonders on his immune system and his ability to put up a fight against the cancer. I was never aware how unhealthy commercial dog food is... I'm ashamed that I never looked more closely into what I was feeding my sweetheart. Anyway at this point he's getting:

• canned salmon
• chicken
• cottage cheese
• cheese
• 2 - 4 eggs per day
• rice
• zucchini or squash
• some tuna
• ground beef
• apple or pear
• plain yogurt

Distribution-wise it should be about 50% protein, and 25% veggies/fruit and 25% rice. In addition he gets Omega 3, 6, and 9 ... tho I must say, it's been giving him a little bit of diarrhea, so I will be giving about 1000 mg per day for a while and see if it changes, instead of the 3000 mg he's been getting. From now on he's also getting 0.75 cc Neoplasene twice a day as liquid in this food, as well as 1-2 cc Astragalus. Both fight the cancer, the Astragalus builds a better immune system.

In order to fight any tummy upset that may develop from the Neoplasene, and to kind of mellow out his already existing, mild diarrhea I am also going to add Pet Probiotic (by Jarrow) and Colostrum (1 capsule 2x per day). She thinks that the current mild diarrhea is the result of him having been fed commercial food for all his life, and his body isn't used to the good stuff he's getting now. Besides, my boy always had a somewhat sensitive stomach, so this new stuff might work great for him.

Furthermore, we will continue with the acupuncture on a weekly basis, until we see some results, and then we will probably go down to twice, or maybe just once, per month. Also, the Previcox he's been taking, I am going to try and stop right now. She said to only give him the Previcox if absolutely needed, but it's counteracting the Neoplasene, so the less he gets the better. We may try Arnica later, once he's off the Previcox. Though she feels he might get to a point with the acupuncture, when no Previcox and no Arnica will be needed. That would be awesome.

I feel good. I feel a little relieved. I'm happy that I've been doing a lot of things right already. She was very happy to hear that he's got such a big appetite, and she can tell that there is a very happy, playful pup lurking inside him. I hope all this stuff will work out just fine. She said I should see some changes in mobility tomorrow or the day after. Today, she said, he's most likely going to be wiped-out ... and yup, she sure is right.