Not good

He's been declining again since yesterday afternoon. The usual, lots of panting, seeming restless or anxious. He slept okay, but his overall condition was just not good. Today in the morning he didn't want his usual breakfast, even after I didn't make him take the Neoplasene. He ended up eating a couple of Wieners and some Cottage Cheese. I left a message for the holistic vet, telling her I was stopping the treatment, because I felt it wasn't working.

Two hours later she called me back and gave me the bad news. She agreed with stopping everything and going into full pain control mode. I was surprised because I had hoped she would try to convince me that we could beat this thing. No.
She told me that she had a chance to take a lot at the x-rays from a month ago. She had stopped by my regular vet to take a look. What she saw was not what she had prepared for. She told me that his entire chest, and especially his lungs were so badly affected by the cancer, that she was surprised he was still alive after a month. When I ask her what it meant, she said that he could probably 'go' any day now. She told me to hang in through the weekend, and if he didn't make a turn-around, it was definitely time to let go.

I am crying my eyes our while I am writing this. I would do anything if this didn't have to happen. I don't want to be without my boy. We're a team, and we have always been one since he mooched his way into my life 8 years ago ... I can't imagine that as early as 2 days from now, my boy won't be with me anymore. What am I supposed to do then? Everything is going to remind me of him. EVERYTHING. There's not one spot that will not make me break down in tears, it already does now... Right now he's sleeping on the floor. I've noticed that I've been silently hoping for him to just go to sleep ... I don't want to have to do this. But I just don't want him to suffer anymore either ...