I miss you Sparky....
I always loved taking him in for a hair cut. This one was one of
the more ridiculous ones. Good times.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Setbacks
There have been a lot more bad days than good days lately. At this point, I'm wondering when the big lump in my throat will finally disappear, or it becomes easier to go home to an empty house at night. The evenings have been the worst. It's been 10 weeks and there's still that big, gaping hole in my heart.
I miss you Sparky....
I miss you Sparky....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
yeah I still feel a mess too.
ReplyDeleteI try not to feel selfish when I know I was so blessed, but it's hard not to think that I've been cheated of something. I go on because I have to. Indie didn't plop into my life and turn it around for nothing. And if it was my time, I'd have been taken along with her, but I wasn't. I'm still here.
And she's on my mind most of the day, she's often in my dreams, and most importantly, she's with my heart all the time. That hasn't left.
Large important things are never dealt with easily or quickly. Think of it as the continents shifting into new positions. They're still the sam - just connected in a different way, and shaped a little different.
The 'lump' in the throat comes and it goes for me. Mostly, when I glance at a sweet photo and remember that moment, or when I think of her very last moments in my arms -- that one can bring me to my knees. I can tell you that having PonyGirl is just what I needed to push me into forward. I experience her experiencing things for the first time and I know deeply in my heart that it is only the first time once and I also know that we dont have forever. She is not a replacement, quite the contrary. She and Cowgirl are two distinct beings and I love them both for that.
ReplyDeleteThis process is so personal and each of us goes about it at our own pace and in our own way. I would never presume to tell someone how to go about it but I would hope to offer a sympathetic ear and an e-shoulder.
Nothing lasts forever. xo gina
Gosh - it is just so hard. Reading Gina and Ingrid's posts - we are all in similar situations with big, gashing holes in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't fair and I know you are like me and want to scream on the top of your lungs - WHY? Why Spark? Why Bailey? Why Cowgirl and Indie? I wish I had the answer as I'd be in a much better place emotionally. I'm still trying to bargain with God to give me back my girl and take everything else in return. It's like the poem you have on FB - a million wishes won't bring them back....it's heart wrenching.
I'm so, so sorry you are having a hard time. But, while my words can't bring beautiful Sparky back, please know you are not alone. I am here anytime you need to talk.
xoox
Bridget
That gaping hole is here, also. There isn't a day, or night, that goes by, when I'm not aching for my furry little man to give me a nudge.
ReplyDeleteMy doctor, in the hospital, about three days after my surgery, asked who Joe is and I completely lost it. (Apparently I kept talking about Joe, while I was sedated...) I could barely get the words out to tell him that he was the very best dog, ever, and was my son, in every way that counted, and that I'd had to make the decision to help him go.
And it's not just discussions directly about Joe, I foind myself breaking down at really unexpected moments. Like when the cashier, at Kroger, who's dog is battling cancer, asked how my dog is doing. Lost it in line at Kroger.
I know we all know this ache and pain and, in our minds, know it will pass. Lately, though, I almost take comfort in the ache.